Why I Quit Ministry, Then Decided to Come Back

I remember saying to myself, “never again will I be back in full-time ministry.” 

For me, this statement holds a lot of moments that collected into a breaking point. I never thought this breaking point would occur and I also did not see this breaking point coming. When I answered God’s call into full-time ministry I never considered I would quit. In fact, if you told me that one day I would decide to quit ministry I would have called you a liar. 

There I was, quitting ministry. I remember not knowing how to deal with the pain associated with the experiences that led me to this place of quitting. I remember feeling like a failure and fraud as I turned away from the beliefs I once held so dear. During this time, I closely associated myself with Peter, who so passionately followed Jesus, but during a defining moment denied Jesus and went back to his old career as a fisherman. Like Peter, I too denied Jesus’ call on my life and returned to an old and familiar career. 

So, why did I quit? I had answered God’s call so passionately but was now walking away. Without sharing names or details, as not to shame anyone, I can easily explain why I quit ministry, which I will do. Let me also say, I am not writing this to point finger, associate blame to anyone, or shame anyone. I want to make this very clear—I am writing this because I know there are people with deep struggles in ministry who have thoughts of quitting because of the similar experiences that I have had. I am writing this in a spirit of openness and honesty about what ministry is like and in hopes that it will silence the enemy’s message to ministers that it would be better for them to quit ministry than it would be to endure in it to claim the crown of life (Jas 1:12). 

Why I Quit

Reflecting back to the days when I was emerging into ministry, I recall how I gave up a promising career with good pay and excellent benefits. I exited my career with no plan and little money. I only had the call of God to lead me. I felt as If I was laying it all on the line for the sake of Christ. I was entering into ministry with high hopes, no expectations, and wide eyes. 

Over the next fifteen years my resolve would be tested in specific ways. I was not expecting many of my experiences to be as painful as they were. These are some of the things that led me to quit: 

Bad leaders are everywhere, including the church and ministry organizations. Many things characterize a bad leader, but my instances of bad leadership involved controlling leaders. These controlling leaders wanted to see an agenda accomplished that was contrary to God’s will, word, and kingdom. Often, these types of leaders would object to a work of God and vigorously oppose God’s work and anyone who was orchestrating that work. This looked like many things from: opposing the Holy Spirit with bad theology by saying its emotionalism or fanaticism, or by inserting their own will of the flesh with great force. Leaders acting in this way always left a trail of destruction in their path. 

I remember one instance where a leader with oversight authority called me to tell me that if it were up to them I would be fired! This was not due to my work ethic; rather, it had to do with that leaders will to control and accomplish their own agenda. This leader saw something they did not like and attempted to use their own force to accomplish their objective, all the while breaking any trust I had in this leader’s character or abilities.

Broken trust often results when a wound is inflicted. As you might guess, my experience with a controlling leader eroded any trust I had in them. I remember the same leader who wanted to fire me endeared trust with my wife and me when we first met them. This leader said they would be there for us, and showed genuine interest and support as they would make appearances at our ministry gatherings and even offered constructive feedback and input. My wife and I genuinely thought this leader was on our side and we trusted and respected them. It was difficult for my wife and I to process how this leader who wanted to support us could betray the trust we had placed in them. 

Betrayal and a deep sense of rejection happened when my wife and I were told that we could no longer do ministry at the place we had sacrificed our lives for. I remember the moment when I got the news thinking, “what else am I going to do with my life? I was made to do ministry.” I’ve never lost a child, but this experience felt like I had. We deeply loved the people we were doing ministry with and that was being taken away from us. 

Certainly, there were other factors to me quitting ministry, but when I think about some of the main reasons these are some of them. These experiences are commonplace for those in ministry and if you take the time to learn the stories of those in ministry they will share similar experiences. I believe that many great pastors and ministry leaders quit ministry, and never return to ministry again, for these same reasons. 

Why I Came Back

While being removed from ministry was very difficult, trying to build a life outside of it was also difficult. Much like Peter, I returned to the familiar things and tried to rebuild my life according to the things I used to do. Again, like Peter, I fished but kept returning an empty net. Feelings of immense frustration, pain, and bitterness set in as I was in shock at how my life was turning out. 

There came a point in my pain where I made a vow to never enter back into full time ministry. It was not until I attended a small group that I realized I had made a deal with the devil. During this small group, John Eldredge, author of “Wild at Heart”, talked about spiritual warfare. He said that the third stage of spiritual warfare was “making a deal” with Satan. I was immediately convicted and realized that the vow I made in pain was really a deal with the devil. 

I came to learn that my unresolved ministry pain was a place that Satan liked to bring negative influence. This pain caused me to trade my call for a familiar and comfortable life. God met me in my pain and, like Peter, redeemed me back into my calling. 

The greatest lesson I learned through this entire process was this: it’s better to suffer in my calling than it is to be comfortable outside of my calling.

Many reasons exist to me making this turn, but I want to share some of the most influential reasons: 

Love of God met me in my pain and compelled my heart toward repentance and action. That evening at the small group I “came to [my] senses” (Luke 15:17) and realized the error of my vow. It was at this point that I renewed the call on my life and confessed my love for God’s bride, the church. 

God’s call on my life is sufficient to sustain me. The calling of God contains a transcendent reality. Much like Jesus’ call to the cross contained a “joy set before him” (Heb 12:2) so too does the call of God on our lives. 

The Community of believers kept encouraging the call of God on my life. Hebrews 10:25 states it well, “not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another.” As I decided to enter into fellowship, God ministered to me through the community of Christ. It was the community of Christ that bolstered the call of God on my life and facilitated the atmosphere needed for repentance.   

The message I want to convey to those in “ministry” is this: don’t quit! Enduring through suffering is far better than fishing alone and pulling in empty nets! Increase your resolve in your identity in Christ and in the call of God over your life. The scripture is true, “Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him” (James 1:12 NASB).